2020… Am I right? Mama, if there is one thing that we’ve learned as moms during COVID, it’s that life is sometimes one big question mark.
At a time when we’re so polarized as a society, bombarded with information, and maybe all feeling a bit queasy-uneasy about the unknown, taking the time to reflect is more important than ever as we close out 2020.
That’s why, at MOMpire, we conducted a survey. We wanted to know, at the depths of our hearts…how are moms doing right now? Knowing that 2020 has been a year where we’ve had to shift, pivot and twist with every turn and our emotions have been all over the map, we wanted to show mamas that their feelings, no matter what they are, are valid. The ups, downs, and loop-de-loops are part of our common experience… and the Mother’s Load is a real thing.
With almost 100 mamas responding to the survey, we found deeply fascinating common stories. But the one thing we really want to highlight is the diversity of our feelings as moms during these crazy times.
Some mamas are thriving…some are suffering. But what the results of the survey showed us is that ALMOST ALL MOMS ARE DOING BOTH.
We are thriving, yet we’re suffering, we are happy, yet we’re sad, we are motivated, yet we’re stuck, we are encouraged, yet discouraged, we are unified, and yet we’re alone.
So here are some things that we’ve learned as moms during COVID. This is the real story of Motherhood 2020:
We’re balls of mixed-up emotions, and that’s ok.
One of the questions in the survey was a multiple choice question where mamas could choose one or more of the answers.
The questions was:
What emotions or mindsets have you felt during COVID?
Here were the options:
Discouraged
Alone
Stuck
Angry
Energized
Motivated
Grateful
Joyful
There was only one person who chose just one word. But what’s more intriguing is that 92% of the responses had both positive and negative answers. Not only are we humans with complex emotions…we are MOMS! I think we all know that we ride tight emotional rollercoasters that tip side to side from high to low… But… what truly brings calm to our storm and peace to our soul is knowing that all other mamas are feeling the same way. There’s no greater comfort than knowing you are not alone.
So you’re not crazy, friend. [cue the confetti] You are literally a mom who is beautifully working through 2020’s pain of the unknown, the unimaginable, the unexpected… and all while raising tiny human beings. It’s. Not. Easy.
We have picked up new habits that we love.
Another question we asked was:
What was the best habit you started?
The answers were so encouraging to see. There we were moms of all types (working, stay-at-home, work from home, empty nesters,etc), and our worlds had been flipped upside down. Most became homeschooling moms overnight. Say what?!?! I bet most of us didn’t have that on our life-plan!
What a whirlwind. But during the last 9 months, we have chosen to make the most out of the situation. We have decided that we were going to learn new things and pick up some good habits.
The survey showed that we started morning routines, read more, got organized, and became proactive in taking care of our health. But one of our favorite findings is that family became even more of a central focus during these times.
We started having more family dinners, game nights, and movie nights. We’ve seen families starting to read together. We found that we had more time to cook and bake with the kiddos.
And although we had some funny and light-hearted responses like “whiskey tasting,” – which we don’t blame you – the common thread of all of the responses is that they all required us to be present. So if we picked up one habit during quarantine that we hope sticks, being and staying present is it.
We have picked up bad habits that we are bummed about.
We also asked what bad habits mamas picked up during COVID. But, here’s what’s encouraging about this…we pretty much all feel the same way. We admitted that we may be having one too many Whiteclaws, are a little extra on the tv for ourselves AND the kiddos, and we might be sneaking in a snack… or two or fifty.
But guess what? Who the heck cares right now? As you can see, the pattern here is we are doing the good things and the bad. And that’s ok. Because we are all doing the best we can as mamas in 2020. So if you need to binge Gilmore Girls again… here’s your guilt-free permission slip.
Amen to that, sister!
We have been challenged and rose to the occasion.
Can we all say it in unison?…”DISTANCE LEARNING!” This was clearly one of the biggest challenges for many mamas. It was hard…it was an adjustment…but we all did it. Some are still in the trenches, some have kids back in school, some have bucked the system and went full-blown homeschool. But regardless, we all became actual super-mamas this year in every single way, shape, and form. And many of us in ways we never thought we could ← hello self-limiting beliefs!
In this question we asked:
What has your biggest challenge been this year?
No. Mama. Stayed. Silent. Here. Every single woman showed up and shared their deep struggles. The non-instagrammable mess. The things they’re afraid to admit to anyone, let alone themselves. At MOMpire, we feel humbled and completely brought to our knees by the responses.
We have experienced major loss, friends. Jobs, community, marriages, relationships, normalcy, and in some cases, even friends or family. It has been a challenging year, to say the least.
This story. This story had to be told. The story of our common voice in motherhood. Telling this story of the real mother and the load she bears was our goal. And that’s what we did here.
Together we expressed how hard it’s been to take on distance learning. We realized after months of exhaustion that we hadn’t been taking care of ourselves. We struggled financially. We felt alone and unsure of the future.
Gosh…this is truly some heavy stuff. The mother’s load is, at times, unbearable. It’s ok to sit with that and reflect on the hardships…and even better if we do this together.
We recognized our blessings despite our circumstances.
And the circumstances were just a little grim, am I right? I loved that we were able to sit in the hard things and then turn around and answer the question:
What’s been your biggest gift/blessing?
What a blessing FAMILY is. THIS was the leader of the pack. More time with kids and family. You guys…we were forced to slow down. And what a gift it was because we saw over and over what a blessing it has been to be with our families at home.
When the world around us seemed to come crashing down, our families are what mattered.
We are resilient.
Yep. We are superwomen. We are, and if you haven’t owned that title yet, step up and grab your cape, mama. If you’re reading this…you’ve held it together during this s@!$ show. If it took you some long showers or a few whiskey & wine tastings to do it, more power to you. And even if things are still hard…we will rise.
As cliche as it sounds, we are in this together. We are resilient. We are the backbone of the world. We are the builders, the growers, the innovators, the nurturers… the foundation of the future.
From Our Mama Heart to Yours
So here’s the thing, mama. I think we all have this idea in our heads that we want to reach this dream state of being as a mom.
We want to stay motivated, dream big, keep working out, keep our good eating habits, never yell at the kids, watch less tv, wake up before the tiny humans, keep the house clean, be a master organizer, make healthy meals for the family, remember to take our vitamins every day, be the budget queen, and wash, dry, and fold the laundry all on the same day….
I mean… literally what are we thinking? We will drive ourselves insane trying to be and do all of these things. The good and the bad will almost always come together. COVID or not. There will always be areas of “mommyhood” that you feel you’re failing at.
But 2020 has poured forced grace over us. It’s shown us that there’s no such thing as perfect, and no one can wade through the waves quite like the 2020 mom. If you’ve microwaved your coffee for the 5th time that morning… there is a mama out there who has popped it in for the 6th. And maybe on the day that you cried on the shower floor, you also cuddled with the kiddos watching a movie and eating popcorn. And on the day that you lost your temper with them, you also managed to pay the bills on time, deep clean the kitchen, and do some yoga.
We are incredible moms. We are a sisterhood, and we need to keep reminding each other that the good, the bad, and the ugly can and will coexist. And it’s ok to be happy at times when others are sad. It’s ok to be struggling while others are thriving.
And it’s ok to be both of those women all tangled up in one beautiful, crazy mess. We are motherhood.
